"These have no daily deeds,its all about pouring down my heart"

The Unknown !!!
He approaches you if you're betrayed,
He walks to you when you're depressed,
He chases you to console you,
He creates the flutter;
He like the smeell of the slain.
He makes everyone go blank whe he's around.
He rings the warning bells,
He swaps men,
He searches for the ditched.
He takes you to the cliff,
Gives you the glimpse of death,
Until the mind gives up.
You never know whats up next.
Silence is his sword,
He loves emptyness,
He's everywhere, he's nowhere,
He comes from tubes and walks through walls.
His touch make you go utterly mad,
He's the cause, he's the cure,
He is ultimate.
Who is HE?
None bother
seen, not heard, yet felt.
Where there's pain?
Where there's shiver?
Where there are sick?
Where there's BETRAYAL?
He's there.
He is the UNKNOWN.
He is Vaistav (Vashist).
-Romeomkar.


Ways....
I thought I was here to win the war, not a battle,
But I'm uncertain, the battle is fierce;
I'm stepping back fighting for life.
I may lose a single battle or will it be the armageddon.
I'm armed with weapons, I'm frozen;
I feel the pain, I'm still;
I want rest, I'm on the field;
I shut my eyes and sat unarmed.
I went back to the world which I always dreamt of,
Where I found love and compassion,
Where people cared for me,
Where I could sail through the night with a pillow as my ship.
They expected nothing in return for the unconditional showers of love,
They were all mine and I was theirs,
I could see her waiting, with open arms.
And suddenly.....a sword kissed my cheek, I came back to myself,
To find my brave warrior mates slaughtered.
There air was thick with blood;
I felt like tearing the foe's ribs apart,
But I was still sitting,
Will I ever stand?
Remains a question...
-Romeomkar.

23rd MARCH 2006,

I spent most of the night before at my friends place, we were studying. I was trying hard to concentrate, fighting sleep. I left earlier than usual, it was two in the morning. I wanted to sleep well, next day my results of an engineering entrance examination would be out. I came down from the 6th floor, called my brother from outside our house compound, my cook woke up and opened the gates, which are otherwise kept locked through out the night. I spread my rug and laid on it. It was a humid summer night, it'd to bear the irritation of mosquitoes and tiny green fly insects crawling all over my body. I laid sleepless in the 15X15ft rented mansion of mine, shared by three human souls, let alone their bodies. Before I could think of anything else, sleep had engulfed me. Next morning I woke up late, a habit which I’d developed, unwillingly, in those two weeks. I told my maid to boil water for my shower, she asked, "Do you have college today? It is Sunday?" I was confused, everything was hazy, I’d spent last few days studying, sleeping and surfing the net if I’d money and time. I told her that we'd college, i doubted there would be college, and after all I was studying in one of the strictest, largest and brainiest pre-university college in the state. I went to college and found only hand full of students; I was perhaps a little early that day. I wrote the exam well, i was getting better day by day but the common difference in my progression was very small. After the exam, I went to the nearest cyber cafe to check the time when the results would be announced, it read 6:30 PM. I checked my mails and went home. I didn't sleep that afternoon, anticipation and anxiety were killing me. At around 5 in the evening something struck me, my best academic results were out when I was in a holy shrine of the Lord. Ten minutes later I was in a crowded city bus filled with the smell of the sweat of people returning home from work. Most of them were laborers. The journey was tiresome, it'd reached my destination after 50mins of standing, mumbling and cursing. The bus-stop was 500 yards from the temple gate. I walked slowly making sure I’d be in the shrine at the exact moment of judgment. It was a towering white marble structure built by a millionaire, decades ago. It was the only place in the city which would calm me down and refresh my soul. I climbed through a narrow lane which had shops selling toys, key chains, rings and all such tiny, cheap stuff. I reached the main gate of the temple. It was crowded. I stood there and watched the brilliant man made structure for few seconds, I was not staring at the building but at some unknown point in the past. I climbed the milky white, pure, marble steps, reciting hymns or stotras, learned at the Brahmin high school i studied. I was suddenly pious, I felt ashamed that I was going to the Lord seeking help for me, myself. I went round the main structure of the temple (pradakshan) clasping my moist hands tightly. The temple was a mix of north and south Indian architecture. I main structure had a golden metal flag (dhwajasthamba) before it. It was his flag, the flag of the lord, the flag of his kingdom. I bowed to it and entered the main structure of the temple. Unlike the churches or the mosques it was partitioned into two rooms. The bigger was for the devotees to pray as they walked in the queue. The smaller room (gharba gruham) contained the 12ft idol of "Lord Venkateshwara" or "Balaji" or "Srinivasa". It was an idol sculpted on a black stone and adorned with gold and silver jewelry. The gold was embedded with precious pearls and diamonds. He wore a 2ft long golden crown which was glittering like tiny suns hidden in the pores of his crown. It showed his power, his enormous size and the complex simplicity. I came out praying all along. Adjacent to the main structure, a little lower than itself was a big open corridor for the devotees to sit. I sat there and tried to meditate but i couldn't, i was distracted by brilliant view of the budding city, half built, half developed. I waited till 6:30 and walked down and bumped into an old friend of mine, he told me that he'd come there after writing another entrance exam. I was shocked. I didn't want to miss any of the entrance exams, I’d missed it. How could I? No one had told me about that particular exam until it was all over. I was walking down with him when my phone beeped and a bigger shock was in pipeline. It read "Hi, my rank is 10,565 and yours is 35,334, horrible results". I was devastated, broken, a mirror I was looking into was just shattered into a thousand pieces and my face was nowhere. I wanted to check it myself so I lied to my friend that I wanted shop for some books and I’d be going in the opposite direction. He left, without much enquiry. I walked down the 500ft and 300 shops, I searched for a cyber cafe, the place was unknown to me even though I was visited the temple and the nearby cinema hall many times. The lump in my throat was still oscillating to and fro with maximum frequency and minimum amplitude. I was worried, sweat popped out of my forehead, my fanatic heart crumpled like dry leaves on fire. I became restless when another friend called me, he asked me about my rank, I threw the bolt at him, he didn't sound surprised. Then ten minute long conversation, until my phone's battery got killed revealed that only one of our 100 pupils batch had notched a respectable rank. But i was still worried, I didn't know how I’d put it through to my parents, I was 200% sure that they wouldn't understand my explanations. Even my own self wasn't convinced with the explanations I’d decided to give. I reached home and went to the cyber cafe. Looked at my awful result, I'd gone mad by then. I listened to old love songs to relieve my blood red brain, I chatted with friends, every seemed cool about their failure so I chose my words carefully making it look I was as cool and everyone, I came back home. I was surprised the news hadn't reached my bother or my parents, I decided not to tell them now, sometime later, later, a "later" I was sure was minutes away and hoped would never come.
-Romeomkar.